I choose to love myself. I choose to treat my body and life with health and goodness. I choose to not drink alcohol. I choose to breath.
When I wake up in the morning, whether it’s when I’m opening my eyes first thing, during my scrub in the shower, or a quiet moment sitting on my bedroom floor; I say to myself what I choose that day.
It changes daily but I try to keep it around the same sentiment of self-love and care.
I choose things that will empower me, make me feel loved and beautiful, and that enable this love affair I am having with myself.
In my previous post I told you that sometimes it’s hard to love yourself. Loving yourself is like any other relationship, you don’t just wake up one day head over heels in love. You don’t think “well, that’s it. I guess I love myself now. I’m done!” You’re never done.
YOU MUST CHOOSE EVERYDAY TO WAKE UP AND LOVE YOURSELF.
There are some days I don’t do that. Sometimes I don’t choose to love myself.
Some days I wake up and ever fiber of my being fights against my little mantra. I roll out of bed in a groggy mess and throw myself into the shower without a second thought towards my choices for that day.
I don’t even consider choosing to love myself those days.
It doesn’t end badly but I feel the weight on my shoulders, I feel the emotions creep into the very crevices of my heart. I feel those same emotions closing my heart, the very same heart that I fight daily to keep open, to keep free, and it closes without a trace of my old self in it.
My new self?
All I do is watch it happen. I don’t do anything. Well…
I have another glass of wine.
I watch another episode of my favourite show. I ignore the uncontrollable sadness that has crept into the depth of, what I can only describe as, my soul.
NONE OF THESE FEELINGS ARE ABNORMAL. ALL OF THIS THAT I FEEL IS VALID AND TRUTHFUL TO ME IN THAT MOMENT AND DAY.
I’ll be the first one to say I am super sensitive and dramatic at times. One moment I can be as cool and calm as a cucumber and another I’ll be freaking out over who knows what.
So, I find ways to make myself feel grounded daily. I don’t brush off these extreme feelings but rather I find a way make them feel heard.
I’m a bit of a book worm…
AS IN I FUCKING LOVE BOOKS.
The four books in that picture are ones I’ve read over and over, or am just beginning to read. Some I now just flip through as reminders and others I need to really focus focus on again and again to get myself to understand them.
Moon Divas Guidebook is a newer addition to my collection.
Given to me by my sister.
I was flipping through it the other day and found this beautiful page.
IT’S A PRAYER FOR WHOLE BODY BLESSINGS.
I read it out loud a few days ago purely out of curiosity. I was curious to see if simply uttering these self affirming words, these words of self-love, these blessings on the body – I was curious to see if I would feel any different.
I smiled when I finished reading it. I smiled.
That sad energy that no healthy food or juice could really get rid of, the energy disappeared and I was left in pure wonderment of my own body and power.
I FELT EMPOWERED.
What I’m trying to say is, we are unpredictable.
AND THAT’S OKAY.
Just because over the Holidays and New Year I felt like all my hard work was being derailed by this melancholy feel of nothingness. That doesn’t mean everything I had been working on was gone. Everything I’d been working on was working harder to get me through it, to wake me up, and to help me choose once again self-love that day.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I DID, EVERY TIME.
Now, I’m going to go make some granola.
Do you have a morning mantra? Tell me in the comments!