I recently had a conversation with an awesomely cool friend of mine about a situation I reacted too weirdly. I was having a romantic moment with someone (yesthesethingshappenoccasionallytome) and they backed off. It was weird – like night and day – was I reading the signs wrong? Did I say something that changed his mind?
Immediately I went into a negative-nancy mode and started bitching on myself.
It was weird, because I don’t bitch on myself. I kept thinking,”you’re being ridiculous”, “don’t think that about yourself”, and “what is going on!?”
But even though I logically understood that the negativity I was saying to myself was wrong, I couldn’t help but believe it. I suddenly felt like I was 19 again, unsure of who I am and super naive.
Then, I spoke to my awesomely cool friend and it went something like this…
Me: …but I’m such a confident and love myself kind of person, I shouldn’t be so negative about myself! Why am I reacting this way?
My awesomely cool friend: yes, you are. That didn’t change. But, you’ve only practiced being that person as a solo individual. You haven’t been this confident and love yourself type of person as part of a pair before.
WHAT IS SHE SUGGESTING? You mean to say, that even though I’m that love-myself-all-the-time kinda person, I have to continually practice and work at it? Shouldn’t it mean I’m just ALWAYS THAT WAY no matter the situation. NO PROBLEM?
It’s jarring when you see your old self resurface and once again you have to fight for who you have become.
But that’s it. You have to fight at times for who you are, what you’ve become. You won’t be the same all the time, and it takes practice. Like everything else, simple practice.
This months adventure is VULNERABILITY.
There are a few specific areas that I know I shy away from, and it’s not about discomfort of the situation. It’s about avoiding the situation all together, purely because I don’t want to show case any kind of vulnerability.
So, guess what?
I’M GOING TO DARE TO BE VULNERABLE.
To help myself stay focused, I’ll be doing full body scans for the month of JUNE. First thing when I wake up, and last thing before I go to sleep. Here’s a little tid-bit on what that entails;
A body scan is basically a way to check in with yourself to see how you’re feeling.
You scan your body for signs of trouble. You start at the top of your head and work your way down, checking to see what you need. Do you have a headache, do you need ibuprofen, are you clenching your jaw, are you thirsty, are you tired, are you stiff, are you wound really tight and full of anxiety, are you hungry, is the environment too hot/cold/noisy/quiet. You are looking to see how you are feeling both physically and also emotionally.
It’s a way to become aware of what you need, it’s a good way to become more connected to yourself and your needs and to practice being aware of those needs or wants and then solving the problems you can solve.
Using this technique will heighten my own awareness of my emotional state on a day-to-day basis. Which will enable me to know when I’m shying away from VULNERABILITY or when I need to face it HEAD ON.
What is your MONTHLY adventure going to be? Want to know more about this body scan technique? Let me know in the COMMENTS below!